Happy/sad/Sad/happy

It’s been an interesting week for me emotionally and I thought I’d share some observations.

My brother Steve and new Sister-in-law Debbie’s wedding was last weekend. Beautiful ceremony, fun reception. Got to hang out with Steve and talk shop for a bit which was a major highlight for me. Seriously that doesn’t happen often, huge smile on my face. Got to hang out with Sam for a bit too and see her pet store, also fun. Good thing I’m broke or I’d have a new puppy. After the reception, meet-up with the extended family at Steve’s old place. That was all emotionally up time. And then…

Driving home with Dad, he did most of the driving back. Caught up on some sleep. Got home, went to setup my laptop and several things were out of place. Rule broken, I freak the fuck out. Uncontrollable anger, shaking, super fun. Had to get a beer to calm down. Next day I discover the idiot landlord of the property next door had hired some guys to clear out trees, and had left much of what they cut in my backyard causing more damage. On top of what’s already back there from the storms from 10 days ago. More rage. First 10 minutes of being back to work I have a panic attack triggered by just being around someone I’d like to ask out. Kinda hard to do when you have a panic attack just being around her. Then add to that a screaming voice telling me to kill myself the other night. I just ignore that one tho. That’s anxiety, paranoia and sleep deprivation.

So the joys of being bipolar or autistic or whatever the fuck I am, right? I really need to get some help. Not sure where to start but I’m pretty sure drugs will be involved. Not looking forward to that. Just a week in the life of my crazy ass. Fun right?

I guess the point is, for every up I have there has to be an equal down. Makes being happy really difficult and it really blows. Usually have to settle for making others happy but it would be nice to keep some for myself. Don’t think it’s too much to ask right?

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