Dear diary…

I’m a bit conflicted whether I should post this or not but here goes. If you don’t want to know things about me of a rather personal nature, stop reading. Seriously.

I’m finding that doing Couch to 5k has some benefits aside from making me feel a lot better physically. Mentally, it’s helping my self-esteem a bit. Not enough to actually, you know, ask someone out or anything like that. I look in the mirror and I can definitely see I’m trimmer. I see it in my face, I see it on the scale. I was 164 this morning, down nearly 20 pounds.

There is a bit of a downside though, and that goes with the “can’t ask someone out” part. The exercise has increased my sexual appetite a lot. I guess it’s a testosterone thing, I’m creating a lot more of it but it doesn’t have anywhere to go. There’s the obvious self-stimulation but seriously? There’s only so much you can do solo. It’s the time of year that the womenfolk get out their smallest and skimpiest and that is not helping me at all.

I guess I need to get past the mental issues and get a girlfriend or at least try to find a friend-with-benefits. Kinda hard to do when you freeze up when talking to anyone you’re attracted to. And when I say freeze up, I mean full-on panic attack, can’t breathe, can’t speak.

I couldn’t even get out something crude like “Hi, you’re hot, let’s fuck”. One, it’s not in my nature to do that. Hell I’m not even sure I could handle a one-night stand mentally. And two, to say I’m experienced with women would be an outright lie. As in “Hi, I’m a 33-yo virgin whose only date ever was 16 years ago, the girl had to drag me out and I ended up making an ass of myself and ruining any chance I had with her 2 days after”. Yeah, I have major issues.

So I guess this is really less of a “what should I do?” than a “get over it, nerd boy”. Find a date, find a fuck buddy, find a knothole in a tree or something, stop complaining about it and just do it.

Damned moon cycles. Hey you ladies aren’t alone. We guys are sensitive to the lunar cycles just like you are. We just show it in different ways. Your guy’s horny(ier) certain times of the month? That’s why.

Anyway. There’s more about me than you ever wanted to know. Maybe next time I’ll write about why I’m suspicious of women throwing themselves at me. Yes, it has happened before, and in the exact same time period as my only date. Coincidence? Possibly.


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