I mean aside from a job I can’t stand, physical, mental and emotional problems and a general ennui I’m in a pretty good place. Things could definitely be worse. So why can’t I get motivated to do anything? I know the mental stuff has a lot to do with it, the constant anxiety does not help. Why can’t I just push through it like everything else? For the first time in my life I know there’s several women interested in me, and I definitely am interested back but I can’t do anything about it. I know there’s a few guys too but sorry, um, not in this life.
I’ve thought about counseling, or even just getting some mind-adjusters. Not a fan of things that alter my mental state but I’m not sure what else to do. Just need to get past that giant brick wall in my head that convinces me I can’t do something. I can sing, can’t perform. I can act, just not in a crowd of people I don’t know. I can’t cold call people sometimes. I just…can’t. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just can’t.
The most annoying thing is that I can analyze and recognize all of these things about myself but I can’t fix it. And if you know me, you know that annoys the piss out of me.
The urge to delete this is overwhelming. Revealing something about myself to a wide audience. Gasp, choke. Oh well. Get over it.